I’ve read a handful of articles and blogs talking about this very subject. It’s one of those questions that I believe can’t totally be scientifically measured. Human interactions and responses are still very difficult to quantify. I’ll class myself a layman by the way, before I get into trouble making statements like the one above. But I am very interested in the development of the human psyche. I’m in the midst of gearing up to train to become an Art Therapist (one of the external things that I’ve welcomed into my life because of AA). But we’re not chatting about that today.
Back to the question, do daily affirmations work? This is my personal reasoning as to why they do. Coming from a 12 step programme has meant that I am at an advantage for affirmations working and for them doing what it says on the tin, so to speak. Why you ask? Well, when my sponsor got me onto the road of the 12 step programme I was given 6 things to do. She called them suggestions to a better way of living. A guide to help me focus on that day only…not yesterday, not the future but TODAY.
One thing she gave me to focus on was the “Gratitude list” – I was brought up in a chronically self centred and dysfunctional house hold. Everything and anything was a drama! And if there weren’t any dramas, you’d sure as hell see something being created to fill that void. I tried to take in positive affirmations around that time…and they worked for a brief moment. But then I’d forget it and slip back into the heady world of depression and hopelessness. So, when I began to create gratitude lists things began to change… at the end of every day it was suggested that I wrote at least 10 good things that had happened - and if I was of a depressive nature – I was told to re-read them first thing in the morning to remember what a great day I’d had the day before. This slowly strengthened my resolve to stay clean and sober….and ultimately it strengthened my memory for good things. It shone a light on my shitty thinking…stinking thinking as my sponsor told me regularly.
I had a bad memory for good things happening in my life - I constantly forgot everything. In fact, I had the worst memory for ANY type of elation ever! I continuously focused on every single minute detail of shiteness - because that’s how I’d been shown how to live. My mum did the best she could… and this was how she was shown how to live…and in turn it was passed down from generation to generation. Breaking the cycle hasn’t been easy. But the reminder that it’s “Just for Today” kept me in good stead. When I became panicky and felt the world falling around me, or getting too much for me, I was gently guided back to the “Just for Today” sentiment. And then the “Gratitude list”….My sponsor would tell me, first do your step 10’s (for anyone new, this is a daily written checking list of ANY resentments that you may have in order for you to face them, forgive them and move on – I’ll write more about it in other postings) and then once the 10’s were done, write a gratitude list.
It amazed me how I survived particular dramas, work dramas, relationship dramas, friendship dramas….family dramas! And every time I did this combination of looking at what pissed me off and then writing a gratitude list, my happiness grew. Just to note, I also asked my HP to take any anger away that I couldn’t let go of, I asked for the person (I was upset with) to be given everything they needed to have the happiest and most joyful day – this helped lift the curse on some difficult resentments.
But like anything in life that isn’t maintained, it can begin to tarnish, things seem less sparkly, life isn’t giving us what we want and over time the idea of a drink sounds appealing and even needed…like the gardener who works hard on his champion garden, only to then get lazy and complacent…the garden overruns with weeds, the ivy takes over the plants and strangles the life out them, the grass overgrows and with no sunlight and nourishment the garden slowly dies.
Daily affirmations helped give me something I never had in my family. It gave me clear, unconditional, emotionally loving, supportive, suggestive, unifying, balancing views on the world around me. And it also helped me develop a world inside me - more importantly. Some are better than others, some make no sense, and some are just a collection of thoughts…well….I suppose all of them are a collection of thoughts.
I have a handful of books on my table when I go to meditate and pray in the morning. Years ago I had to read them every single day; I was a baron waste ground. I had no trust in anything, anyone not even myself. So, yes, to me they do work. But like I said maintenance is the key. Without asking for help from my HP every day, without writing about the good stuff, clearing the shit away… life can slowly drift down to darkness and despair. I’ve been in that world for too long, the happy world is far better for me and everyone around me (I can’t believe it sometimes, people actually want to be around me these days!?!)
When I was at Uni my tutors used to say that,
“design was only 5% and the rest was 95% - managing and maintenance...”
“design was only 5% and the rest was 95% - managing and maintenance...”
Some of the articles have suggested that people reading this stuff will be holding themselves tightly rocking backwards and forwards saying, “everything is ok…everything is ok….” Then blindly ignoring everything in their life, downplaying any type of ill perceived thought or action. There are some folk who do this…I was one of those people. But that’s why I feel the 12 step programme and the affirmations are a far better combination to help flourish in life. Ok, ok, this isn’t about selling 12 step stuff to you this is about me saying why affirmations have worked for me! But, I’ve seen both sides of the coin.
Many years ago I worked for a firm that was obsessed with the Tony Robbins phenomenon. At the time I loved working with half of the office because they were full on, positive, determined and just had this, “go for it” attitude. And then I remember observing the other half of the office. They were quiet, shy, a little on the melancholic side definitely not go getters - that was for sure…and at the time I remember judging them harshly for it without really knowing about them, their lives or what their story was.
On one occasion, one of the go getters made a blasé comment about homeless people…he said that they had a choice and that they could do something different but they were lazy and ignorant… I felt very uncomfortable with his seemingly heartless take on the matter. I think I argued the point…but in hindsight I see how dangerous certain types of self delusional thinking can be. Things don’t just happen overnight. You don’t just become homeless! I’ve been close to being homelessness many times. I’m bloody lucky that I haven’t. Especially after the amount of jobs I’ve lost, the amount of friends I’ve pissed off, the amount of arguments I’ve had with my folks… and was threatened with being thrown out many times.
This chap had no idea what hardships were about (well, not to this level anyway). He spouted some tabloid shit on the subject rather than really having any compassion or real knowledge. It’s far easier to blow out hot gas than to be loving or compassionate to someone’s plight. I’ve had friends that lived in hostels, shelters, women protection units… they didn’t want to be there, but didn’t know anything different or even how to get off the merry-go-round.
I feel that affirmations are an addition to something greater rather than BEING the cure. How can they be the cure? Some people assign magical thinking to affirmations, some have an inability to be honest to themselves and others, some base their whole existence on the unrealistic viewpoints of people in the “Media”… In my using career I couldn’t think my way out of a paper bag let alone thinking my way into some new awesome bloody life!
I’ve seen affirmations tell you to, “think your way to better looking skin?!?!?” What the fuck!? Really? If you eat better, drink more water and lay off eating shit then I think your skin would look better! That’s when positive affirmations border on being completely insane…ok ok, that’s my opinion! And yes I have many….
Having a dream, being focused, changing attitudes, taking on new view points, having hopes and aspirations are all the things that we, as social animals, need to survive on Earth. Even the Dalai Lama acknowledges that desire is an essential part to our survival. The point I’m trying to make (hopefully) is that affirmations need to be part of a balanced diet, ha! Love it! Rather than be the ONLY way to happy destiny.
For me I had to start small. Being in early recovery is about slowing the fuck down! Standing in one spot, looking at the ground and acknowledging that you are in one place and trying not to drift off into the past or future…rehashing real or imagined arguments, berating yourself for the opportunities you missed or fucked up, the lovers that you lost, the friends you lost, the fact you’re too old or too young, don’t have enough money…. The list is endless! Just for today…that’s where it starts…asking your chosen HP for guidance, for help, for direction even the ability to do the next best thing… that part of you that you learnt to shut down will slowly come alive. If you never had it (pretty much like me) then trust it will come. Asking for help…fuck, yes that is hard. Feeling full of pride can stop the spirit of the light… and all manner of problems can arise. Progress not perfection.
I fought long and hard against any happiness or joy being part of my existence (believe me, I can be one stubborn mother…) ….and now, they both are, in abundance. When I’m cranky it’s because I haven’t done something in my life…nothing outside has changed, but I know, when I’m in a shitty mood I need to check in with me and find out what’s going on and remedy it quick!
Anyway, I’ll leave it at that for now.
Obviously this is my own personal take on the subject and if you disagree, then you disagree. What works for me may not work for you. I’d like to hear from you if you don’t agree and if you do! Or if you just wanna share books you know of, web pages you know of. I'll always do my best to remain flexible, open and honest! Also, my opinion is only based on my experience... no-one else's!
Peace :)
Peace :)
